A Poem for Hannah

A Poem for Hannah

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A Poem for HannahMy husband’s sister Hannah passed away in March from the terrible disease of drug addiction. She was a beautiful, smart, caring young woman; she was also a victim of childhood sexual abuse, and she struggled to cope with that trauma and the subsequent anxiety it caused her. These words are for her.

The way I see it
I have three choices.

I can avoid playgrounds forever,
because you loved swings so
the sight of them stings the
back of my eyes with an unexpected
mix of anger and longing.

Or I can pretend you didn’t
love them,
that they didn’t signify
your innocence—swiped from your life
as casually as a candy bar
from a convenience store—
until the association fades.

Because I just did my makeup so I don’t
want to cry,
or because it’s a sunny day and I don’t
feel like feeling sad—
avoiding the tears and keeping my eyes dry,
at the risk of banishing the
beautiful memories.

Or I can choose Door Number Three,
behind which I don’t change the
station when your song comes on,
or switch the subject
the moment the tears well up.

I can see those playground swings
and let the rush of joy and pain—that
two-edged sword of remembering—
crash over me, overwhelm me,
choking me with the reminder
that you really are gone,
that you really did die
before you even reached twenty.

I can look the teacher in the eye
when she asks how many aunts
my son has and say
“three”—boldly, without waver or
hesitation.

I can see those playground swings
and not run away,
standing there with the image of
you—
light and flying, free—
surrounding my soul,
making me lighter too.

If you or someone you know is struggling to cope with the devastating effects of sexual abuse, two good places to start seeking help are RAINN and Darkness to Light

Do you ever write poetry?

26 Comments

  1. Tara Newman
    May 28, 2014 @ 07:02:57

    Such a beautiful poem. What a heartbreaking story Katie.

    Reply

  2. Abby
    May 28, 2014 @ 13:20:13

    Beautiful, Katie. I am so sorry for your loss. My brother also suffers from this terrible disease and I pray he finds deliverance. I used to write poetry quite a bit but haven’t in a whole. Your words inspire be to get back to it.

    Reply

    • Katie
      May 28, 2014 @ 14:03:26

      Thank you for sharing, Abby. Your kind words are greatly appreciated. I will certainly keep your brother on my heart as he fights this battle.

      Reply

      • Erin
        May 28, 2014 @ 16:19:38

        Beautiful Katie.

        Reply

        • Katie
          May 28, 2014 @ 21:00:27

          Thank you, Erin. I so appreciate you clicking over to read it.

          Reply

  3. tamaralikecamera
    May 28, 2014 @ 15:44:39

    I’ve written about two or three poems in my adulthood. All out of deep confusion or pain.
    This is really beautiful.
    Three aunts. Boldly say it.

    Reply

    • Katie
      May 28, 2014 @ 21:00:52

      Yes, I always will. Thank you, Tamara.

      Reply

  4. Wendy
    May 28, 2014 @ 17:01:27

    The strongest, most gut wrenching poem I ever wrote was called “Preteen Whore.”

    In 6th grade I made the decision to take control over what happened to me as a child.

    I’ve buried that poem, for I’ve moved beyond. Yet, it was a moment of healing through the writing of it.

    Best to you and yours, Katie.

    Peace.

    Reply

    • Katie
      May 28, 2014 @ 20:59:52

      That poem must have been so powerful, Wendy. I am not one bit surprised to hear that writing helped you heal; writing truly is who you are. Thank you so much for sharing.

      Reply

  5. Sarah @ Beauty School Dropout
    May 29, 2014 @ 07:36:40

    These are such powerful words, Katie! I am so, so sorry for your family’s loss, and I know this couldn’t have been easy to write, much less publish.

    Reply

    • Katie
      May 29, 2014 @ 08:27:33

      You are certainly right, Sarah. I really appreciate you stopping by and reading it. <3

      Reply

  6. anotherjennifer
    May 29, 2014 @ 12:20:59

    Wow, Katie. This is beautiful and heartbreaking. Working in the addiction field, I’ve heard far too many stories like your sister-in-law’s. Thank you for sharing your poem with us. It was, no doubt, hard to write. I hope it felt good to share. I will be saying an extra prayer for your and your family.

    Reply

    • Katie
      May 29, 2014 @ 12:26:37

      <3 Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words.

      Reply

  7. This Woman Writes -- Carolyn Henderson
    May 29, 2014 @ 17:31:55

    This is a beautiful, heartfelt poem, and extremely well written. Your beautiful sister-in-law lives on through your writing, and may she be running and resting and swinging on playgrounds in a place of peace and goodness. Door number 3 is the right one, because as you say, joy and pain are intermingled, and if we run away from the latter, we don’t fully understand the former. Blessings on you and your family.

    Reply

    • Katie
      May 30, 2014 @ 07:00:14

      I’m so glad you stopped by and read the poem, Carolyn. Your kind words are a great comfort!

      Reply

  8. Angela Gilmore
    May 29, 2014 @ 21:08:54

    These are beautiful words and I am glad you’ve shared them. I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine the loss of someone so young who struggled with such deep pains. In my life I’ve known men and women who have been sexually abused and it has haunted them at every age. I used to write poetry a lot when I was younger but I haven’t in a while. I keep telling myself that I want to get back to it.

    Reply

    • Katie
      May 30, 2014 @ 06:59:19

      Thank you so much, Angela. I hope you’re able to get back to writing poetry soon!

      Reply

  9. Dana
    May 29, 2014 @ 21:17:45

    Oh, Katie – what a beautiful, heartbreaking poem. I’m so sorry for your loss, and for the grief that you and your family are enduring. I have never written poetry, but I do write when I need to let the hurt and pain out.

    Reply

    • Katie
      May 30, 2014 @ 06:58:30

      It’s a powerful form of therapy, that’s for sure. Thank you so much, Dana!

      Reply

  10. Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life
    May 30, 2014 @ 04:19:01

    Oh Katie, I am so sorry. I really have no words…it’s heartbreaking. Your poem is truly beautiful.

    Reply

    • Katie
      May 30, 2014 @ 06:58:06

      Thank you so much, Michelle. I really appreciate your kind words.

      Reply

  11. Rabia Lieber
    Jun 03, 2014 @ 12:42:54

    What a beautiful tribute to your sister-in-law. Your kids’ lives will be enriched when you keep her memory alive in your family. Grief come sin many ways and at strange times, but all you can do is face it and keep going.

    Reply

    • Katie
      Jun 03, 2014 @ 14:03:19

      Thank you for your kind words, Rabia!

      Reply

  12. Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
    Jun 05, 2014 @ 14:51:26

    Oh Katie, I’m so sorry to hear of this loss in your life. Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart and this lovely poem on the SHINE Blog Hop.

    Wishing you comfort, prayers , and much love.
    xoxo

    Reply

  13. Karen
    Oct 25, 2014 @ 17:32:43

    Sometimes poetry is just the mode to express yourself. And I’m not a big fan of rhyming poems. I haven’t written one in years. Just might motivate me to get back to it. So sorry that had to happen to her and your family.

    Reply

  14. annemathay
    Mar 24, 2015 @ 09:49:14

    This is beautiful, Katie. My thoughts are with you and your family today.

    Reply

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